Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
