so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
