im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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