Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
