my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
