Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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