You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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