he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
