if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
