the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
