I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
