3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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