Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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