perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
