yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
