All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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