At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
