So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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