so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Randomize
