i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
