First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
