we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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