Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
