if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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