I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
FUCK WHALES
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
