Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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