It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
