You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm like, not good at living.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
