What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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