Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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