One girl and one boy is just not enough.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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