3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
