none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
