Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
