We won't sleep together?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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