Just fell off a train. Bad.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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