I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
