A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
