i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
