remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
