OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
