he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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