I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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