Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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