yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
