You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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