I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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