We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
