I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Randomize
