I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
