I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
