you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Everything about him screamed your future.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
